Tuesday, December 13, 2005

l.a. can't be your kinda town

yesterday i got a christmas card from billie.
it's hard enough, missing her and christine like i do. but i see their pictures and hear their stories, and i feel like i'm missing out. like they're living this great adventure i'm... well... here. in michigan.
i know life is tough for them, too. it's not all one big hollywood-esque scene. but they did it. picked up and moved to another country. and i always wonder if the reason i didn't go is because i really felt i wasn't supposed to, or if i was just scared. and i know it's not too late. i can still go. if not permanently, at least for a really long visit. but i'm worried that i'll always regret not trying.
when i was younger, i never played it safe. i never worried about how things would work out. i just did what was on my heart and figured things out as i went along.
i feel like i've lost my sense of adventure. or at least tucked away somewhere.
what happened to the girl who wanted to climb mountains? who wanted to have a sailing ministry for troubled teens? who wanted to build an adventure-based ministry and take kids rock climbing, mountain climbing.. set up camp under the stars and talk about God's majesty and His love.
i still quote jamie clarke. i still listen to his talks. i have his poster hanging up (almost) in my room. he was my inspiration.
and yet... all this time later, i haven't climbed one mountain. i haven't gone rock climbing in over a year. and i still haven't learned how to sail.
i miss the adventure.
i miss the dream.
i miss me.

1 Comments:

Blogger Valerie said...

i am glad you're still here. :)

let's make a new year's resolution to do something adventurous together. we always have carolyn & dan's garage climbing wall...

10:46 PM  

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