wondering...

Let me preface this post with a caution: the contents are probably going to upset some people. That's not my intent, but - given the topic - I think it's unavoidable. If any of this makes you angry, I'm truly sorry. Please don't post angry or derogatory comments. They'll be deleted. Simply try to humor me as I process the thoughts and questions running through my head.
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Well, it's here. That moment that so many thought would never come. America has elected a black man as President of the United States.
It's historic. There's no question about that. But I have questions about other things.
Not about his policies (though I have concerns and doubts about some of those), or his ability, but about why he was chosen.
Because America is tired of the Republican party and feels it's untrustworthy?
Because people are so desperate for hope that if the promise of something better is made, they don't care how the promise is fulfilled?
Or do we truly believe that he was the best candidate; that his policies, agenda and overall vision for the United States is just what we need at this time and place in history?
I want to believe that he was chosen because of his vision for the United States and because we think he can move us toward the realization of that vision.
But I wonder if he was chosen because he's black.
I know.... we're not allowed wonder about those things, especially not out loud. But I *am* wondering, and I'm pulling you in to the conversation. Awkward or not, right or wrong, it's what I'm thinking about.

I heard the sentiment a lot: "it's time this country elected a black man", "we've been waiting a long time for this" and similar comments. And, honestly, those thoughts were running through my head for a while, too. I considered voting for him, just so I could "be part of history."

But if voting *against* a man because of his race is wrong, why is it any better to vote *for* a man because of his race?

Webster's Dictionary defines "discriminate" this way: "to make a difference in treatment or favor on a basis other than individual merit."
The definition doesn't account for good or bad treatment.
Isn't a decision to vote *for* someone based on race or color just as discriminatory as voting *against* that person because of race or color?
If so, why was it ok for so many people to say they voted for Obama because "it was time" for a black man to be elected President? No mention of his policies or abilities. Is this the kind of "victory" Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke and dreamed of?

I know, I know... dangerous questions. Especially coming from a middle class white girl. But hear me out.
I'm not asking these things because I doubt Obama's abilities. On the contrary, I think he's a very capable leader and while I know many people who are disappointed, I think during this time in our nation's history we need a diplomat like him. The world has grown tired of a United States that strong-arms its way around the globe - and rightfully so. The nations have had enough of that stance. I have had enough of it. I'm ready for someone who has the intelligence and self-control to present the image of a global partner rather than a bully. Some of his national policies are scary and you better believe I'll be paying close attention to what he's doing in the years to come, but I also believe he can stem the tide of anger and hatred that has been generated towards the United States as a result of the previous administration.

But I want to know that other people who voted for him believe that, too. I want to know that he was chosen because he's capable. I want to hear people say they voted for him because he was the best candidate, because he's this country's best chance of repairing our global reputation, and because people believe he can move forward on his vision of hope for the United States.

But if the main reason people voted for him is because we got caught up in the powerful idea of "making history" by electing the first black president, then we - as a nation - are still incapable of looking past the color of a man's skin, and nobody won anything last night.