from the movie "you've got mail"

"i lead a small life. valuable. but small. and i sometimes wonder if it's small because i like, or because i've not been brave."

i'm pretty sure a thought very similar to this one runs through my head everyday.
i do lead a small life. and while i do believe it's valuable, and often say that i love my life. it is small. do i love my small life? or am i just not brave enough to live any other kind of life? i climbed the ladder in my field of choice. i never reached the top, but i got farther than most. (or is it *further* than most?) i've switched to a new "field of choice", but i can honestly say that i'm not trying to reach the top. most of the time i think i believe that it takes courage to turn away from the world's definition of success, write your own definition, and pursue it. but then sometimes i think i'm just using that as an excuse to stay put in my small life.

at this point in my life, there's nothing i'd do differently. and sometimes i think that means something. but sometimes i think it means that i've just settled. have i tucked away my big dreams because it's not time for them yet, or because i don't have the courage to go after them?
i want to sit on the deck of a boat, in the ocean, with a crew of 30 teenagers, and look up at the stars. i even know the boat i want. i know of a builder in new york who'll build it for me. and i know it would cost $3 million. but i haven't done anything to make it happen. i haven't even learned how to sail a sunfish. maybe it just takes more effort than i'm willing to put into any one thing. maybe i've not been brave.

but i don't know how to tell