Thursday, January 12, 2006

this is me. standing in the middle of every direction my life could go, not knowing which arrow to follow.
and i'm sick of it. for the last couple days i've been sure i want to pursue something more serious in counseling. but tonight, someone told me that they've never known anyone more equipped or called to live production..
and i'm so tired of trying to figure out which way to go.
there's so much i love to do. so much that i feel i do well. i don't mean that arrogantly. but i love to write, i love to counsel people, i love to speak, i love live production, i love youth ministry. and to some degree, i sense God's hand when do all of those things. so how do i know for sure? i'm so sick of being pulled every which way.
the truth is.. as much as i enjoy all of those things, nothing has given me a greater sense of satisfaction or accomplishment then when i was the Event Coordinator at my old church. helping pull together an event, then standing in the balcony watching an audience enjoy what you've just done... there's nothing like it. i would go home every night, exhausted, but feeling so content, so certain that i'd just done what i'm meant to do. and yet there's this burden for young people. a call to youth ministry.
so maybe i look into working at a camp like spring hill or something 'till we get Project311 up and running.
i don't know. i'm just so tired of feeling pulled in so many directions. i wish God would just write across the sky.. "stefanie hamilton... i want you to do this..."
i'm tired of guessing. of not being sure.
i'm frustrated. i'm done thinking. and i'm exhausted. so i'm going to bed.


Blogger Scotzman said...

I feel the same way... I tired of trying to figure "it" out sometimes.

I have this funny feeling though that God has something special at just the right time for you and everyone else that seeks Him.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Valerie said...

I think this is one of those things that has no right answer. God designed you to be good at several things. If you're not feeling his clear direction one way or another, maybe that means he's okay with any of the above. Like a romance novel, where the heroine has to choose between two wonderful (and completely opposite) suitors. Neither one is necessarily better than the other, but you can't marry two people. Pick something, don't stress about what you might be "missing out on," and enjoy what he's designed you to do.

4:16 PM  

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