Saturday, September 16, 2006

oh yeah... "His ways are higher"...

... I always seem to forget that part.

I just read this quote on someone else's blog and had to share it:
"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Over the last few weeks, I've struggled a lot.. trying to hold onto things I have no business trying to possess or control. For some reason, I continually find myself in this mental and spiritual place where I think that *I* have the best plan for me. I think *I* have the best ideas about what direction to take and how best to use my God-given gifts.

A few weeks ago I applied for a job at a youth camp in (almost) northern Michigan. It seemed like a good idea at the time... except that I didn't feel at peace about pursuing the job. The thing is... I know the gifts and abilities God's given me. I know the calling He's placed on my life. But rather than trusting Him to guide me to the places where I can best use the gifts and calling, I think I have to do it on my own. Rather than trusting that He's already got me in the right place, doing the right things, I think I need to look for something else. God's given the gifts and calling, but I think that I need to possess the path; I need to control the direction. Consequently, I nearly always live with the underlying tension that's inevitable when your flesh is striving. It's exhuasting.

Earlier this week, it hit me that I'm right where I need to be, doing the things I need to do. If I wasn't, God would move me. It hit me this week that my repeated efforts to move myself never work out. It hit me that that must mean something. Like.. maybe I don't need to move anywhere. Not literally, not professionally. It hit me that I've been trying to possess the path. Control my direction. And it's not been working.

So... I've let go. Again. Maybe *finally* this time. Let's hope.


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