Saturday, September 03, 2005

honestly...

the last couple days have been hard.
i'm involved in some cool stuff. project311, my own writing, stuff at church.
but the truth is... i'm sad.
i'm lonely.
putting this stuff together requires a lot of solitude. sitting at the computer typing away at emails, article, proposals, etc. and sometimes it's really hard.
i miss having that group of friends that was always around. you know what i mean? that group that you always do stuff with. that group that you're a part of. i miss being a part of something. instead, i'm just a part. separated. at least that's how it feels.
it's like there's a disconnect that's created when you're trying to get something up and running. a certain distance that happens. like a team coach that doesn't hang out with his team 'cause he's busy strategizing, planning and building. or like Jesus. i think He felt alone, alot. He was working and walking towards something that no one really understood. that no one could really see. i'm sure there must have been times of heartbreaking lonliness. of course, even Jesus had His twelve. i'd settle for just two.
either way, there's this nearly unexplainable sense of separation. maybe it's just 'cause this world isn't really home. or maybe i'm just not very good at letting people in.
i feel kinda lame, writing this out on a blog site. but there's something theraputic about typing it out. like if i don't let it pass from my heart to my fingertips, through the keyboard and onto the screen, it'll just keep swimming around in my head and my heart.
and i'd rather it not do that.

6 Comments:

Blogger Cheryl said...

Stef, I'm putting this comment on here mainly to let you know you're not alone in your feelings. I know how lonely this life can be sometimes, even when you're surrounded by people. Keep your chin up, kid. You're in my prayers. God bless...

12:08 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

aw.
thanks. i needed that.

btw-love the pic :)

4:50 PM  
Blogger gfaith58 said...

Hey Stef, I loved talking with you the other night. I appreciate the way you express yourself and feel deeply and honestly. Its those lonely times where God comes through either thru a phone call from a friend or thru the kiss of a sunset or rays and clouds in the skys. His love for us is limitless and I have to remind myself that no matter what, GOD LOVES ME,and HE LOVES YOU TOO, and so do I.. Love ya, Ginny

6:01 PM  
Blogger camera shy said...

visit me:

www.beckettsmartyr.blogspot.com

1:39 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

it's all about community and miles down the road together.

lets start our own group that creates security to allow us to feel support, yet gives a healthy flexability to enjoy our solitude. cool?

-@

ps, wow! a bunch of huge words that actually define what i want to say.

2:29 AM  
Blogger Stef said...

ginny - you're awesome
aaron - ditto
blog this - i see you're a nina simone fan. sweet. i love her. interesting blog.

9:38 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home