honestly...

the last couple days have been hard.
i'm involved in some cool stuff. project311, my own writing, stuff at church.
but the truth is... i'm sad.
i'm lonely.
putting this stuff together requires a lot of solitude. sitting at the computer typing away at emails, article, proposals, etc. and sometimes it's really hard.
i miss having that group of friends that was always around. you know what i mean? that group that you always do stuff with. that group that you're a part of. i miss being a part of something. instead, i'm just a part. separated. at least that's how it feels.
it's like there's a disconnect that's created when you're trying to get something up and running. a certain distance that happens. like a team coach that doesn't hang out with his team 'cause he's busy strategizing, planning and building. or like Jesus. i think He felt alone, alot. He was working and walking towards something that no one really understood. that no one could really see. i'm sure there must have been times of heartbreaking lonliness. of course, even Jesus had His twelve. i'd settle for just two.
either way, there's this nearly unexplainable sense of separation. maybe it's just 'cause this world isn't really home. or maybe i'm just not very good at letting people in.
i feel kinda lame, writing this out on a blog site. but there's something theraputic about typing it out. like if i don't let it pass from my heart to my fingertips, through the keyboard and onto the screen, it'll just keep swimming around in my head and my heart.
and i'd rather it not do that.