Friday, January 27, 2006

to go or not to go...

This is Amsterdam. It's the most beautiful city in the world. It's also more devoid of God's presence then any place I've ever been. When the government built it's City Hall, it was intentionally built so that it was higher than the tallest church spire in the city. Their point was that Amsterdam relies on commerce and government, not on God.
And yet, the people are wonderful and diverse. And the city is breath-taking. Last Spring, a team of us from Genesis spent just over a week here, working w/a church called Zolder50. I fell in love with it from almost the moment I stepped out of the train station and on to the streets. I cried when we left. On our way back from Kiev, we stopped in Amsterdam for just 24 hours, and even then I cried.
A team is going back this Spring, and I'm torn on whether to go or not. On the one hand, I have so much going on already. Time and engery spent fundraising and preparing for this trip is time and energy I could spend on my book, or Project311, or cultivating more writing business. And I didn't do so well with the fundraising for Kiev. In fact, I did really, really badly. Which makes me extremely nervous about fundraising again.

On the other hand... it's Amsterdam.
And it's Zolder50A church that's being built by people who focus on developing relationships, planting small group churches, and reaching out to people in the Red Light District. It's a church of people who play soccer in Vondel Park every Sunday so they can invite the spectors and build relationships. It's a church of people who are doing church right. It's wonderful, and magical, and so completely covered by the annointing of God that even their worship *practices* move me to tears. And they're not only a church. They're my friends. We email, talk on the phone, share our struggles, victories, and defeats.

I desperately want to go. But is it right? Is it wise? I know that God is far less likely to consider perceived circumstances, like I do. But does that mean they should be ignored all together? I'm torn.

Torn torn torn torn torn.


Blogger Cheryl said...

"Advice is waht you ask for when you know the answer but wish you didn't." I like this quote because it's so true in my life. I think you know the answer deep in your heart, Stef. And if the answer is to go, don't worry about the fundraising. Past failures are in the past. Everything will fall into place if it's meant to be.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Stef said...

the thing is, i really don't know the answer. i just know what i want. and i'm not always good at separating what i want from what i should actually do.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Scotzman said...

To me, the way you talk about it, tells me you need to go. Pray about it and listen for the answer and be willing to trust.


12:43 PM  

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