I believe

words and music by Will

[verse 1]

I believe in the future You give

in the life that I live

I believe in the days that will come

knowing where I am from

I believe

[Chorus]

And it's Your grace

Your love

Your hope

Your joy

I believe in

I believe in You

And it's Your word

Your truth

Your timing

Your peace

I believe in

I believe in You

[verse 2]

I believe in a love that is real

goes beyond what I feel

I believe in the way You pursue

knowing all that I do

I believe

[chorus]

You came to set me free

You gave Your life for me

You died so I might live

And now my life I freely give

I believe

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this song has become God's assurance to me that all is well. i can tell that over the next several months, as so much in my life changes, i'll be leaning of the truth of these words. i'd like to make it into a mixed media art piece. i got the inspiration for it last night, but we'll see how it goes.

for now.. i gotta get back to work.

what are we doing to our kids?

an education group has hired me to write several articles about eating disorders. i've been doing a lot of research this afternoon and just came across this:
"a 1997 study of eight and nine-year olds found that 13% of girls and 10% of boys reported 'always' being on a diet.. and of them.. 11% reported intentionally throwing up after eating at least half the time"

my god
eight and nine year old kids.
what are we doing to our kids
worse than being a society that devours it's young, we're pushing them 'till they devour themselves. between the media and dysfunctional families and abuses, kids have such terrible body images that nearly half of all high school girls in a recent study described themselves as being overweight - yet only 12% actually were.
as we spend our time obsessing over the latest i-pod, sports car, job promotion, favorite sports teams, or whatever we're tying to do or have to "keep up with the Joneses", our kids are systematically killing themselves.
we claim that we're working toward a better tomorrow, but what good is a better tomorrow if there's no one left who's healthy enough to claim it and enjoy it?
our media capitalizes on and perpetuates our obsession with the ultra-thin, regardless of how unhealthy it is. girls are only attractive if they're a size 2 and boys are only "hot" if they've got chiseled arms and a "six-pack". Hollywood rakes in millions deifying men and women who aren't even healthy. and our kids are picking up on it.
and it's disgusting.
we live in a society that says "how you look defines who you are", when nothing could be farther from the truth.

what are we doing to our kids? and who's going take responsibility for the inevitable fallout that will occur as these kids grow up? who's going to take care of them when they've literally made themselves sick trying to look like the girl on the cover of Cosmo?

nine year old girls are making themselves throw up so they can look like that girl.
if you're reading this and you have anything to do with putting that girl on the cover of Cosmo, Vogue, or any other fashion magazine, television show, or movie... you should be ashamed. and too guilt ridden to sleep at night.

it's more like this....

i've recently had a couple of conversations with people about whether or not we can loose our salvation. i have to admit, though i've been uncomfortable with the idea that salvation can be lost, i haven't been able to fully explain why.
there is, of course, the verse that says "nothing can separate us from the love of God". i've always assumed that "nothing" means "nothing". plain and simple. and i've always believed that, but still.. something wasn't clicking. and i think it's because i'm a visual person - without a visual image to represent what "nothing can separate us" means, it just wasn't quite clicking.
well today, the perfect image came into my head. perfect for me anyway.

this image isn't quite like the one i have in my head.. i'll have to draw that one out. but it's like two hands, grasping each other at the wrist. if i let go, God's still got me. my salavation isn't about me hanging on to God, but about Him hanging on to me. period. when i accept Christ, God and i clasp hands, our arms interlock as i grab His arm and He grabs mine. and i may try to let go sometimes, but He never will.

praise Him praise Him praise Him. He'll always hold on.

i have things to say too

i was sitting in Panera bread this morning, working. i was wearing one of my Amsterdam t-shirts, and some guy asked me if i was from Amsterdam. I told him "no. but I'm moving there soon." He asked why. I started to talk about my church and the church plant, the guy started shaking his head.
The next thing I know, he's talking at me about all this "intellectual reason" stuff. I say "talking at me" 'cause I never finished one sentance. He just rambled on and on. Eventually, I told him that I didn't see any point in continuing, because he wouldn't let me share any of my own thoughts. I said "I'd love to talk *with* you, but I'm not interested in having you talk *at* me." and i left.
I've seen the guy here before. He's here nearly everyday. Which means that when I come here to work tomorrow, he'll be here. And I hope we talk. I mean really talk. 'Cause I have things to say, too.

I know where this guy is coming from. Totally. I played the intellectual game for a long time. Intellectuals think that faith is reserved for those poor souls who aren't smart enough to reason their way through life.
Guess again, buddy.
I have a relatively high IQ. I can "intellectualize" with the best of them. And I have. I did it for years, reasoning my way through life's struggles, pitying those who didn't have the intelliegence to figure things out on their own.
Know what I discovered.... reason, without faith, is empty. It's empty and boring and stupid. It takes more courage to simply *believe* than it ever will to only trust what you can see and touch.
Faith is powerful. It's beautiful and inspiring, and "geweldig" [glorious]. It doesn't just give me hope, it gives me myself. We can't fully come to life without faith. We can't. Living by reason alone means that a part of you is still dead. Still unawakened. And not just *a* part, but the most important part. The part of you that's really you is dead without faith.
So... to this guy who thinks his intellect is enough, I say, guess again. I've tried a life of reason, and it sucks. I'll never go back. Ever. And if he were nearly as smart as he thinks he is, he'd give faith a try, too. And the next time I see him, that's what I'm gonna tell him.

amen&amen

only

i'll listen
even if no one else does
i'll go
even if no one else will
i'll talk and i'll plan and confirm and encourage

but my words are imperfect
inadequate at best
it's not a phrase, but a vision
on which my heart is set

o to make them see
the picture you paint for me
to help them see with my mind's eye
the unveiled view that's come to life

a curtain torn in two
a sanctuary come into view

cracks in a shell centuries old
light [Life] always finds a way

but in this vast expanse
it's only you and me

it's just you and me here now
only you and me here now

out

i'm so bored of little gods
while standing on the edge of something large
a return to a place that feels so small
a place in which i have a place
not.at.all.
or so it seems
i'm ready to go
ready to fly
spread these wings and be free
to stand on mountain high
the wind against my face
and sing praises to El Shaddai

your perfect timing is not mine

i'm ready to go
i'm ready to fly
i'm ready.
send me, El Shaddai
------------------------------------------------
i'm so bored of little gods
while standing on the edge of something large
while standing here so close to You
we could be consumed

so consume me, Lord
all that i am
impossible to return to the "old" again
consume me, Lord
all of me
with all of You
consume all of me.

haha!! totally!

check this out.
long live the mac, baby!

you make me want to be brave...

this is jeff. he's the one on the left. :)
he was part of the team that went to amsterdam last month, and he's quickly becoming a very good friend.
tonight it hit me, just how providential it was, God bringing a friend like jeff into my life right now.
jeff challenges me in areas of my life where i've needed to be challenged for a while.
see... here's the thing.. i'm not very good at letting people in. genuine vulnerability just isn't something i do very much, or very well. people are always surprised to hear that, because i'm willing to share a lot about my life. but the things that matter most stay tucked away safe and sound. i have no problem talking about the circumstances of my life, past or present. but i don't often talk about the emotions related to those circumstances. lately, my fear of opening up is something i've truly despised. i wasn't created to be afraid. and i wasn't created to be isolated. i've been both, and i'm sick of it. plus, my unwillingness to be emotionally vulnerable affects my ability to be creative. which also sucks.
enter:jeff. as you can tell from the picture, he's a little crazy. :) but he's also open and vulnerable in ways that i envy. he has this beautiful, joyous, innocent openness that's just...well.. beautiful. and the more i'm around him, the more i want to be like that. so most of the time, he challenges me just by being himself. he draws out my emotions because he's so willing to share his own. his vulnerability challenges me to be just as vulnerable. sometimes it's uncomfortable, but it's always good. and step by step, i'm finally venturing out from behind the walls i've been hiding behind for so long. and i gotta say, the view is much better on this side. :)

i'm so thankful for his friendship. and i praise God for His wise sovereignty, His perfect timing in bringing a friend like this into my life now.

lately i've been thinking a lot about the Apostle Paul.
not him so much, but his family. i wonder how they reacted after he gave his life to Christ and began traveling the globe, planting churches and telling the Good News of Jesus.
In his new testament writings, he refers to his status as a Pharisee. about his training, his skill, his knowledge. he was the creme de la creme.
i wonder, had his parents been proud of his life as a Pharisee? and if so, how did they react when his life completely changed? when he began promoting the very thing he had been condeming. i wonder how they reacted when he exchanged the "security" of his Pharisaical duties for the unstable, uncertain life of an apostle. did they hear the stories of his imprisonment, the beatings he endured? did they shake their heads in confusion, wondering what in the world could have possessed their son to live such an extreme life? did his mom cry when she heard the stories? did she feel like her son had thrown his life away on something meaningless?
and what was that like for Paul? if his parents never understood his decision, then the challenges and the suffering he faced must have made no sense to them at all. how painful was it for him to know that his parents thought he was suffering in vain? did his victories cast a small shadow of sorrow, because he couldn't share his excitement with his family? was he plagued by a longing for his parents to know the same God, the same saving grace, the same peace? did that longing color everything he did. not in bold, bright strokes, but a subtle coloring, like when you add just a dab of burnt umber to white paint. it's not a drastic color, but you can tell that it's not quite right. was it like that?

i think of all these things as i think about amsterdam. and about my own family. though i'll never have to endure what paul endured in terms of suffering and imprisonment and beatings. every child wants her parents to be proud of her. every parent wants to be proud of her child.