i moved my ring today

for the last couple of years, i've worn a ring on my wedding ring finger. it's silver, and says 'purity'. it was always meant to be just between me and God. granted, other people could see it, but that was never really the point.
i don't even know how to go into detail about the reason for wearing it or the reason for moving it. i don't know how to find words for something that runs so deep. though i can say that, to some degree, i've been hiding behind that ring. using it to keep me safe, keep me from having to be vulnerable. in part, i feel like God is telling me it's time to stop hiding. and, truth be told, i don't want to hide anymore. yea, there's too much running through my head to write it all out here. and some's not fitting for a public journal anyway. admittedly, i find it odd that He would say that now. tell me to move the ring now. because now i'm beginning to understand and relate to Him as bridegroom like i never have before. ironic.
also ironic... i've been hit on twice since moving that ring. ;-)

tonight we start the barbarian way study. man i'm excited! i'm so excited at the chance to begin defining those things God's called me to. the things i've put off or ignored out of fear. i can't wait. last night at church, God gave me a vision of me standing on the edge of a cliff. it was a cliff He led me to. and He asked me to jump. it was funny, 'cause i could picture myself in the free fall, but couldn't picture myself actually jumping. and each time, He'd put me right back on the edge and say "no. jump." and i understand why. it's easy to enjoy the freefall once you're in it. take the step that puts you in the freefall is harder. and honestly, i've never really minded the freefall. but stepping off the edge has always been hard. and i have a sneaking suspicion that He's gonna keep setting me on the edge until i willingly step off.