i'm done

a couple of interesting things happened to me yesterday and a switch finally flipped.
i'm tired of being so cynical about God's church. i'm sick of it. i'm tired of dwelling on all the things that are wrong. granted, they're plentiful, but i'm tired of being so focused on it.
i constantly tell people that the key to counseling and helping people heal is not dealing w/the action, but the cause the of the action. "healing can only happen from the inside out. the action isn't the problem, it's just an indicator that something's wrong inside." it's true of people, and it's true of the Church. yet i've been outside for two years. looking in, pointing my finger, playing the "prophet" and calling out all the downfalls, mistakes, selfishness.
i meant to be formed in the image of Jesus, and Jesus desperately, passionately loves His Church. i don't. i don't really even like the Church, and because of that i've played around with my commitment, involvement and sacrifice. yes, there's a lot wrong. but God promises incredible things for His Church. i need to start learning about those promises, claiming them for His Bride and loving her the way He does.
so i'm done. i'm done delving into the abundant list of what's wrong w/the Church. we all know what's wrong. it's obvious. i'm done dwelling on and talking about it. healing can only happen from the inside, so i'm going in. through whatever route God opens for me, i'm going in. i'm going to learn to love the Bride of Christ. and i'm going to treat her with respect, love, and admiration. not for what she is, but for what God promises she'll be.