Saturday, July 08, 2006

less than 48 hours

and we'll be on a plane back to Michigan.
As always, our time here has seemed to go simultaneously fast and slow. (I've never quite understood how that works.)
This morning, if I'm perfectly honest with myself (and you, I guess... for those who read this) I'm disappointed. I had hoped for a clear 'yes' or 'no'. That didn't happen.
This morning I need to finish up some work, so I was sitting at one of the tables in the Zolder, but after just a few minutes, I moved to one of the couches in the Cafe. Because I feel like slouching. Like a high school kid who's pouting because she can't take the car out on a Friday night. Maybe I've asked the wrong questions. Or haven't been still enough.
Or maybe it's just something I have to choose. Maybe I'm trying too hard.
Regardless of any of those things, I'm a little sad today. Sad because we're leaving soon, and sad because I don't know what's next.
This trip hasn't at all been like I'd expected. And for now, I'm done trying to figure it out. Done trying to figure out "calling" and moving vs. staying, and everything that goes along with it. Done trying to reason, to draw logical conclusions.
At this point, all I really know is that I just want to be like Jesus.


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