Monday, September 26, 2005

where's the joy?

and why is it so hard to find?
i should be so excited and happy with my life. but most mornings i wake up and wonder what the hell i'm doing with my life. and it's not like things aren't going well. i have a 4pm meeting w/someone who wants me to re-write the content for her company's entire website. i'm one step away from getting a $2000 writing job. a publishing company has agreed to publish my books. i should feel so excited about all of that. and yet, it takes everything in me to finish the work and get it submitted. And there are still a couple of other things in the works.
so what is it? why do i struggle so much to enjoy this? is it as simple as "warfare"? i know the enemy would love nothing more than to steal the joy from this little endeavor. and maybe i'm not as good at fighting as i think.
on a different note:
i was reading today in Haggai 2, God's warning to those re-building the temple. the amplified version calls unholiness "infectious", like a disease. the passage basically says that if you're rebuidling the temple and your personal life is unholy, you're infecting and descrating your work in the temple. i find it interesting that unholiness is infectious, but holiness is not. you can desecrate something or someone else, but you can't make them holy. a warning to those who play around the edges of sin. and to those who think they can 'save' people.


Blogger Cheryl said...

Stef, I know what you mean...Sometimes I feel like I'm only happy when I'm miserable. "I'm only happy when it rains", as Garbage would say. I get so used to relying on God to help me work through the hard times that when something good happens I don't always enjoy it like I thought I would.

8:20 AM  

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